i wonder how long it will take to type this with one hand
and ive decided it will take way to long and ill just suffer for a little while ..just the disconnected pain i guess from cutting..nah more like sudden pain..not that im wasting time complaining..im pretty sure as soon as i take off my sweatshirt ill once again wake up with blood all over everything from my arm..i could put something on it or sleep in a long sleeve shirt but i dont really care and ill have to catch up on laundry this weekend or soemthing so ill just add it to the fast growing pile of clothes that cover my floor..i shouldnt have cut..i really shouldnt have but even with what i did its not enough..ive back to doing the inside of both my arms..and now i am glad its getting cold and i have to keep something on my arms..and i know my arm is bleeding inside my sweatshirt because it didnt really stop before i pulled the sleeve back down..dripped all over the stupid floor before i found the towel i was looking for..im just feeling so dead right this minute..tomorrow ill feel stupid ubt for now its just dead..cant be dead and still breathing so i guess im still alive too..i was watching my arm bleed and it is interesting..dont know why it gets my attention but using a new razor makes nice clean cuts without really trying..but it takes a sec for the blood to start coming and most of it is like just little tiny bubbles of nothing..but they make designs and ill stop because trying to write about it like this is just making it worse..
janet and cindy both liked there gifts today..got hugs and it was completely safe and fine..kinda sucks now im back to not wanting to be touched but for a little while i craved the contact..i guess im getting back into the parent hug mode..i want a hug but i only want one from someone with kids because those are safe hugs and nice ones..nevermind..this is stupid...im going to bed i guess
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