6 months

i have been given 6 months ...
6 months to lose weight
6 months to make life changing choices
6 months to make things different
6 months to reverse the chance that i have to have  talk about being put on insulin
6 months ....6 months before my next appointment with the endocrinologist..i asked and he agreed but the agreement is that if i dont make the changes ..then he will..if i dont come back in 6 months with some differences going on...with my a1c coming down some points...with things looking better all around then he will talk to me seriously about putting me on insulin...because while i haven't truly gained weight..i havent lost any either...which made me freakin happy as hell ..but i havent lost any ....ugh ...the goal is to lose not maintain.. so a lot of changes will have to be made....a lot of choices will have to be made ....a lot of just a lot will have to be made..
i guess the big question is do i believe in myself enough to do it....

i wish

There are nights like tonight where i wish i could just anticipate better how to handle the brokenness that is me..i wish i could tell when it was coming to rear its ugly head and i wish i knew how to stop it in its tracks and turn it around and send it packing in the other direction…i wish i knew what to say to explain why sometimes i just need the silence because things are to loud in my head..and so i just sit and do nothing for hours at a time.  I dont get online, i dont read or play games, I just lay down and sleep or lay down and semi dream things that make no sense to me for hours on end…i wish i knew how to handle the somatic symptoms and that the meds worked 100% of the time and i didnt have days that leave me floundering like a fish out of water searching for a way to just survive.  i just wish some days to be anyone other than me, because being me is a little hard right now and i am feeling a little bit lost in the shuffle ..

Vday Gifts from Sarah

She got a friend of hers to make them for me :) :) :) :)  I absolutely love them !!!