its friday and not that it matters much or anything since im going home for a couple days but just knowing its friday and having the weekend in front of me is a bit depressing...but still im going home..playing with the idea of leaving everything in the huge mess yvonne left it in but i know i wont..im sick of forever cleaning everything up for her to come and pull it all back out...and because it is bothering me then i just kinda know its time to have my own place..not that i will tell her because i wrote about how much i didnt like cleaning in a different blog and she sent me all thse ecards saying shes sorry and just started spending every morning slamming dishes around..given i had no idea why she sent me the cards in the first place whene i didnt have anything about her in the blog at all..gotta love when ppl are assuming they know something that may not have anything what so ever to do with them...so i finally told her to stop and it went back to the way it ususally is..i clean and thats pretty much the end of it..so yea i want my own apartment and i want to stop getting so annoyed that i have to do everything here..i havent seen yvonne on a weekend for the past 3 months..i live by myself pretty much anyway..not a big difference i guess..so ill stop complaining and ill clean up the kitchen and living room before i go and do laundry too just to kinda stay busy for the morning..i keep wondering why it is that i want to get home so early when i know i just have to be there around thhree incase i do babysit...i dont want to hang out at home with nothing to do there and having to take care of granny..im not bringing dusti and so ihave to make sure all of her stuff is set up so she can get to it..and ill just leave when im done with everything i have to do..not a big deal but it still makes me worry..
i started going through stuff yesterday for maybe a couple hours until i knew i was going to freak out if i didnt stop..so against all of my better judgement i stopped and went out and finished the 30 day notice thing and went to the post office and got lunch and the reg boring things no one pays attention too..got back and wasted a few hours..took meds for my sinuses and then fell asleep at like 7..kinda sucked since i had so much stuff to do but i was sleep all the same...i dont know why i keep giviing myself time limits to get stuff done because it makes me feel so guilty when i cant finish them and its not like i have huge plans on anything with my time in the first place.. i guess this comes under the heading of giving myself a break sometimes..is it really as simple as just doing what you can and stopping when youve had enough?i dont know cas that makes it seem like im taking the easy way out and not getting enough done...packing is like this huge excuse to destory my room..i have junk pulled out all over the place...mommy told me yesterday not to throw away any of my clothes and i said ok..i still have every intention of giving away what i dont wear..if im pulling stuff out of my closets from like 3 years ago that still have tags on them im not moving with them..and ill just be in trouble if she ever figures it out but im the one moving and i dont want to start taking a bunch of stuff i never wear for no other reason than to look at it in my closet and swear i have nothing to wear..i do it know and ill prolly do it once i move too..but still im trying to downsize as much as i can..and ill have to finishs more of that next week..right now ill jsut leave it all down since i know i wont be packing it yet..might fold up my laundry ive been looking at on the floor though for like the past week and never bothered picking up...picked through them but never picked them up...so yea my room is looking kinda really horrible right now..but since its nothing new i guess im not worried about it..and if i ignore that little lie then nope im not worried about it at all...with my 30 day notice i have until jan 7 to be completely out of the apartment..better than the 30th at least that mommy tacked on and now she is really pushing me to have a place set in stone like now and i dont want to do that because i havent seen any of these apartments..i could agree to live in some crummy place and i dont want that to happen and im holding off doing anything until i go there and im not taking my car there..although the week after graduation is fairly empty and the more i think about it the more i know that would be a good time to go and look around..not thrilled about going by myself but im pretty sure yvonne will be busy with whatever it is she is doing and then ill just be by myself so i should get used to it..im slowly starting to do things by myself and its not so bad but still creeps me out..i dont know when the slighty paranoid part of myself will go away but i wish it would..kinda sucks creeping myself out about stuff before i ever go anywhere! and now that the school bus has come and taken all the annoying kids i used to try not to hit in the morning i guess its offically time to get up and start moving...
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