finally made it back to the apartment..and the quiet emptyness is nice..its kinda like i can shut down completely and there is nothing to take my attention away from anything..took the valium i had a little while ago..im really hoping it will just let me sleep again for a little while and then i can pack and stuff tomorrow and go back home tomorrow night..the weekend is just going to be a huge swirl of activity that i dont want to be a part of at all..head is feeling quiet at least..not feeling much like writing and theres nothing to write really..i was a message board posting some and some one said that it was okay to scream or rant or just do something that gets out what im feeling..yesterday i cried and cut but i didnt really ever get around to what was really getting at me..and then it all went away and i didnt care..prolly didnt really go away but i just stopped paying attention to it..and then it was like nothing was there at all..today its the same thing..i cant let go of thinking about everything but its a detached kinda thinking about it..i still dont care..im still not feeling anything but i still dont think ive gotten to the bottom of it and im sure i wont ..i cant be mad or yell or anything like that..why not? i dont know..liar..why why why..forget it i dont want to know..my ears are ringing again..were doing it last night but it was gone when i woke up this morning...dont know whats causing it..prolly something to do with all the meds ive been taking lately and im still sick not that it matters