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it doesnt feel like its only a few days to christmas at all..the lights are pretty and everything at night but its not even really cold heere..theres no snow..ok that i kinda knew wouldnt happen but it still would have been nice...but it just really doesnt feel like a holiday..christmas could come and go and im not sure i would notice it completely..mommy isnt even going to be here and so we c an so open presents on christmas eve..henry wants to open them like the day she leaves and granny wont even be there so its not like anyone would know but us..but still its only fair to wait until chrsitmas eve if we are even going to be doing that...and we are so like going shopping on christmas eve cas we are all major slackers and never shop early for each other..i got nia something and gave it to her on saturday but it wasnt really a christmas thing..well it was and ill get her something else when we go shopping..considering ill prolly be shopping until christmas eve if not on christmas eve..so if i cant go shopping then they will get money from me..kinda works out in a way..alright christmas is just really depressing and im not sure why..supposed to be happy at christmas and im not..didnt even take the valium that im holding on to for some reason..still dont know what im going to do with it now..i think ill just leave it here and not take it home..although when mommy leaves i really do need to get that empty bottle and throw it away..not that she would even notice the meds have changed but whatever..huge lack of motivation to finish packing..dont wantto do it aat all..i just want a break from everything and going home is not a break..ill have to do more there than i do here..home is never a break.there is always something to do or somewhere to go..and just lounging around is never good if mommy is there because then she will find something that needs to be done..so kinda really good she wont be here i guess..except then i just feel guilty for even wanting to be happy that mommy isnt going to be around for a few days after friday..and it sucks ..theres a limit to how happy i can let myself ..oh well im not doing anything but wasting time