christmas 2

made it through another christmas..that would be my good news for the day as small and insignificant as that is*shrug*..got up at like 6 or so this morning because i was having trouble breathing again..it sucks getting so stuffed up at night..i just wake up feeling horrible..but at least the sinus thing is clearing up ..slowly but clearing up all the same...so its getting easier to focus again..so waited around for like an hour and a half for the rest of them to wake up so we could open gifts..didnt want to go and wake them up because it didnt seem fair so i just waited..so opened gifts and got the usual stuff..clothes and shoes, a jacket and of course socks ...the hiking boots have a light in them and someone figured out how to get the batteries in and then couldnt figure out how to get them back out! my boots have been blinking all day and finally nia covered them up so the light wouldnt show through anymore lol..got a bunch of dvds hmm got lilo and stitch 2 and a care bear calendar...got some other stuff im not really thinking of right now ..some of it i didnt liked much and its just im sitting there feeling i dont know a little jipped i guess..and then feeling guilty for not getting everything i wanted when there are people who didnt get anything and i can sit here and make a list of what we did get ...im being selfish and mean ...anyway..ill get over it and be fine with what i got..took pictures of the three of us just to have and now we are just hanging around watching movies again...got click and that is such a good movie...want to cry everytime i watch it..makes me wonder what it means to really live and not miss out on life you know..i wonder what it would feel like to really truly be in love with someone and then somehow mess it up and then get the chance to go back and fix it...if i could go back in my life and change anything would i do it? how different would things be now if i wasnt a nut? would i have met the same people or done the same things? as much as i cant remember being a kid or even what ive done in the past couple weeks i dont know..for all the things i wish and wish to change would i do it if i was given the choice? im not really sure i would..maybe im supposed to struggle so freaking much for a reason that i havent been clued in on yet...there are a lot of ppl i guess i would miss if life had been different..ppl i just cant see myself living with out knowing..if that makes sense..the people who have kept me alive the past few years..the one who know parts of me ..the not so good parts and still manage to talk to me and put up with me ..i dont know im feeling all confused again lol..darnit..so made it through the dinners and visiting and kinda feeling sleepy now..its been a long day...its been a long few days..a long few weeks..a long few months..im really starting to wish for things to just settle down and get back into some sort of a schedule...it feels like im falling apart with out any structure to my day..things are just so up in the air and its keeping me on edge ..overall though its been an ok day..i think..after all that was written last night i dont think i had the energy to put up with anything else happening...not to mention its been raining all freakin day..its flooding here in some areas..there are tornado warnings good grief the weather has sucked horribly lately?! what the heck! wanted snow and got rain instead..ugh so not cool