completely stupid

im tired..didnt watch supernatural because it was a rerun that ive already seen and didnt want to watch again..so i just read some..and then of course got back online before i went to bed..and now i end up writing because i keep asking myself all these questions i cant answer..question of tonight is what are you afraid of? asked backwards because its easier having a conversation with myself when it seems like im talking about someone else..and yep that just makes me incredibly sane but anyway..first thought is being afraid of the dark but that ones to easy to be influencing anything ..besides i have like 3 night lights that come on once the lights go off anyone..not hugely bright or anything but it helps when i want the extra light for some reason...didnt find out what i wanted with that one and i keep asking it..because all of what im thinking is really just staying with surface stuff..and i know there is a big reason for why i suddenly find it important to know what im scared of..but then i think its stupid because i can say im scared of the dark and bugs and creepy bushes but that makes it seem childish..so what am i really afraid of..i dont know..monsters under the bed ..nope try again..being forgotten..maybe..ive thought about that before..and..maybe its just because sometimes i think im useless and a waste of space and time and concern that i do worry about being forgotten ..once i leave and move who will remember me or anything ive done? what would be the point in remembering me..why would anyone do that? i havent done anything worth being remembered for..it hurts thinking that there is nothing in me worth remembering at all..but this is incredibly onesided too i guess since im prolly letting my opinions get in the way of understanding all of it..is it possible to exist one you are no longer in one place ? what else..being hit being hurt..being trapped...doesnt take much to creep me out and none of the time ive been anywhere has managed to work out my dislike of having someone walking behind me..like just normal in the store shopping and suddenly theres someone walking behind you but not paying you any attention at all kinda thing..it worrys me..makes me start criticizing everything abouot me..wonder what they want when i dont know them in the first place..worse at night but still bad during the day too..dont think ive gotten around to really thinking about the trapped issue..hard to explain anyway..being trapped without pyhsically being tied down or locked in something doesnt really make sense..but it happens occansionally..the random timespans when suddenly all your options are taken away and theres a way out but its not the one you want at all..no choice live or die kinda things..ok maybe not literally but it seems like that..take the choice your given and hope it works..hope its fair..and kill yourself picking it because the stakes are way to high and they arent yours anyway...i guess thats a control thing too..if your being given a choice that you dont like and dont want but have to take then you cant really control it..you could say no but thats prolly one of those pros outweigh the cons big time and saying no just isnt the brightest idea..but i dont know.guess ill think about it and see if i can come up with aanything else