i keep thinking im done..i have nothing else to say..but as soon as i stop writing my head start getting crowded again..

i dont like that ppl except me to do stuff without asking and i dont like that i can get suckered into doing stuff without being asked..theres always something i should do, something i should like or be, i should act a certain way and do certain things..i should be compliant because that what nice ppl do..they say yes until it kills them...i shouldve been a puppet..it would make things go so much easier for people..sometimes its pretty obvious that it doesnt take much to get me to agree to something..to get me to say yes or that ill help and that i didnt really have to do the things i wanted to do..what exactly is it that i want to do? what do i really like? i was watching a cartoon tonight..new episode of avatar and the kid was asked why he was doing what he was doing..was it because he wanted it or was it because someone else made him think hewanted it...they made it quite simple and just told him that he needed to look inside hisself and find out who he was and what he wanted..i look inside my self and dont see anything..kinda hard to explain what emptyness feels like..theres nothing there.permanant darkness and depending on how i feel i can see other stuff but more often than not..just empty..theres nothing to fix..theres nothing to hide..theres nothing to cry about..but if it was really just emptyness then how is it that i can see myself walking into walls..or crying or screaming or begging for help or really rare ones i can comfort myself or watch myself comfort myself..as if that makes sense..but i guess i have my own like not reality in my head..the empty fairytale..interestingly really stupid..the colors can change but the empty feeling always stays..maybe maybe maybe..maybe i just need to get a life and find something new to focus on..to bad i dont think that will work..i spent my summer telling kids to take responsiblity for there actions and i spend all my energy avoiding any and everything that screams responsibilty..im a horribly hypocritcal person and i deserve to die