early bird

i have really got to stop being so paranoid...woke up early and got laundry started..its almost done now and i have to go and get it out of the dryers..but im glad i got it done..went to the bank and carwash since i was up and not doing anything..the grass is actually freezing now and of course i walk around in a tshirt..but this morning driving didnt really scare me..it was kinda fun and i was just thinking that now i really can go anywhere i want too..and it didnt cut off on me so that was good too..not feeling as sad today..stilla bit dejecthed not not as bad as yesterday..realizing that graduating is less than two months away si really screwing with me..if i stop and think about it i want to cry..when i think about leaving the hospital in about a month now i want to cry..all of it makes me want to cry good grief im a baby...everything makes me want to cry lately...my paintings are interesting..maybe ill take them with me tomorrow to threapy..ill have something to talk about .. except them i would have to explain them and well there weird and unexplainable..or else they incredibly obvious and i sucj and covering things up..im off of my candy kick and im now completely sick of chocolate and halloween candy..ill finish my paper today i hope..i keep thinking of how to write it and i think ill just start in the middle and work my way around it..ill prolly end up in the library tomorrow before class to put finishing touches on it before i have to present it..but i do just really want to get it over with..dusti is her usual aloof loveable self..funny how she refuses to leave me alone when she wants to be petted and loved but as soon as anyone else comes near her she runs..she actualy let yvonne pick her up the other night and i called dusti a traitor because i was jealous a little but then i figured dusti is mine and not anyone elses and its fine for her to be okay around other ppl..she still sleeps in my bed and walks all over my stuff..tried to eat my paint last night..hmm back to cleaning and homework..the story of my life