i dont know

im feeling rather numb right now..prolly cas im so cold but its a little more than that..im sick of my head and the fact that there is always something going on with me thinking about something..stressing about work this week and im trying hard not to because ill be off for most of next week..i keep telling myself im gonna be the model intern and do everything right and not mess anything up..in a perfect world that might even be possible but this is me and im always screwing something up..had a scary dream last night..and i was so watching all of it happen and then i woke up and tried to remember what happened and all of it was gone for the most part..all i remmeber was a little girl shooting herself in the chest and im not even sure about that..i know as i was waking up she was dying but what made it get to that im not exactly sure of..i watched her walking away from me and i was looking at all the brusies on her back wondering how they got there and the next thing i remember is her being shot and dying..hard to piece it together when i forgot so much so fast..but anyway it was a little unsettling..im laying here looking at all the junk ive pulled out and need to put away and i just want to sleep instead..i dont want to do anything and disappearing comes to mind but i dont even really want to do that either...i did get new razors the other day and it was really upsetting that i cant find the ones i like anymore..i have the single edge ones now and i dont really like them but for now they are just hanging out in my bag..no real plan to use them but i want them with me again..ran errands today and got to the bank and went to michaels for art stuff..spent way to much money on it but i got what i wanted and then some..couple canvas's that ill spend a few days looking at..i keep wanting to paint but i worry because of the last one i did..i really want to go and take a bath for no real reason except that incredibly hot water is relaxes me like few thigns can..went to the grocery store today..finally got a real trip in and stocked up on afew things..considering i really waste so much money on groceries i dont eat..i have stuff in the cabinets that i forget i have and still have no intention of eating but i just have it incase..im going to leave my wallet at home just so i cant go to the grocery store or any store anytime i want too..i was really good and didnt buy a lot of junk food..back to the gross yogurt again..interestingly enough ive been wanting yogurt so it wont be so bad..and i still dont like reg yogurt and i got granola to put in it again..i just dont know why i dont like the texture of yogurt and pudding and stuff but i cant eat it..its not thats its not good or anything but i dont like it..and it really might just be because its so soft..im fine with yogurt with granola in it because its not soft anymore..hmm im zoning out a lot today..car cut off on me once today with yvonne in the car..i was worried it would do it again but it didnt and that was good...class today was actually pretty informative and i found out that out of both classes there are only 4 of us with a job for after graduation right now.. same old usual issues floating around in my head..more bad than good stuff.still worried about what i might or might not do..mostly not sleeping right now because i have to stay awake to watch heroes tonight..i think i might go and cook something just to be busy for a little while..just incredibly confused about everything right now