dead

i dont want to be bothered today..i want to stay home and stay in bed and just do nothing for the next few dayys..not possible i guess since im already up and half dressed anyway.. ill go to work and be fine until its time to go home again and then ill run out of ideas to stay busy..i cant even figure out anything to wear right this minute..dont want to go and start pulling everything out of my closet because i already have a ton of clothes on the floor that i need to pick up...everynight i plan on cleaning up and never get around to it..feeling a little bit sick..maybe i have the flu and need to stay home..but i wouldnt miss my last days..sick or not..would only make me feel worse...so well guess i got around the anixety part cas its not making me nervous anymore..all of it is just making me incredibly sad and scatterbrained..i look around the message boards i like and cant write anything to help anyone ..i start thinking of something to write but when it actually gets around to writing and posting it i start mixing it all up and end up not writing anything..i suck because it is easier making someone else feel better and im not doing it..christmas lights are coming out now..one of the people who lives across from us has there christmas tree up..considering i can see into there living room from my window..not that i look or anything but i noticed the lights the other night..and when i first saw it it made me really happy and that lasted for less than 5 minutes before i started thinking christmas lights are so depressing..we cant get a tree..no one will be here to take care of it after a couple weeks..dont have the money to spend on one anyway..always want one but never get one..i better go finish getting ready before im stuck in traffic