Wednesday, November 15, 2006

i dont know why i keep messing with my fingers considering they are hurting so much..i keep picking at my fingers and i keep picking at my face..knowing im going home next weekend..i really am being incredibly stupid right now..i know better and i know mommy will be so mad at me for picking at my face so much again..i didnt cut last night though..just went to bed and slept for like 9 or so hours..didnt want to go to work this morning..considering calling in sick but one of my little girls went home and i had to say bye to her so i went..it was ok i guess..the usual work day..busy ..really busy..i did work on my reflection paper some because i really do want janet to read it and tell me what she things about it before i turn it in...i think i might be saying to much non important stuff and i might have to go back and just take it out..my papers with lose guidelines that are a reflection type thing can be so long! i guess i need to email the teacher and find out if there is a page limit..im trying to be honest but leaving out all the nosey teacher contract junk and therapy and all that fun crazy stuff i just happen to do..and then make it as honest as possible..im not lying im just leaving out parts of the truth which i guess is still lying..but at least i got it started before its due..i just really want this to be a good paper..havent decided if i want arran to read it yet..maybe ill give it to her to keep..im a little sick of reflection and awareness and all the junk they make you think about in the program..not that i havent done it but ive just done it so much im tired of it..besides my usual non happy feeling im not sure whats going on with me today..oh i was with one of the docs in clinic and he said that one of the things he learned in pysch is that if you go in a room with a patient and come out depressed then they were depressed..if there manic you come out manic..etc etc and so forth ..but we had been in a room with a really confusing person and i didnt realize i was so confused until the doc brought this up..and then it was like wow lightbulb in my head..i was listening to what the doc was talking about with the patient but i just couldnt follow where the patient was goin with things..and it really was confusing..but we got it worked out and it im glad it did turn out ok for everyone...

i was playing with the lighter thats been laying on the floor for like three days now earlier...fun watching the flame move..lighting it gets dustis attention but i turn it back off before she gets to interested and trys to see what it is and burn her nose..cleaned and remessed up the kitchen in like a day..i cant stop being sad i dont think..and now im wondering if im making other people depressed..im just being confusing

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