i try so hard not to be so sad all the time and it just doesnt work..i was ok for the most part this week..until today..i dont know why either i just im just not happy anymore..i want to go away..i want to just do something and get lost for a while..hiding in bed doesnt count even if it is what im doing right this minute..im about to go to bed..im up past my bedtime ..tomorrow is friday and the weekend is looming again..not that i have plans or anything of course..ill just hang out at home...waiting for yvonne to leave with allen becuase he is coming and i dont happen to really wnat him here..but ill just disappear for a while until they leave..i hate hanging around other ppl when they have company..its not nice ..maybe im just to tired..but i dont know..all day it was just kinda not really there..i did my work..i worked on my presentation..cooked dinner and then walked to the grocery store with yvonne..who took my wallet so i couldnt buy anything..yvonne was in the emergency room last night and didnt call me..food posioning..it hurt she didnt call and i find out about it tonight..feeling really unimportant..usual thoughts back in my head..i suck and deserve to die..i want to cry but i dont know why..maybe i have cat hair in my eye or something..i think i keep disappointing everyone..i need to try harder, i need to do more..i dont know..im losing whatever it was i was thinking about