sad

wow ive slacked off a bit in writing, havent really felt like doing much though. mostly i just end up coming home and going to bed as early as i can but a lot of the time i end up out with yvonne for a few hours after work and then i come home and go to bed..i dont think the vitamins are helping at all but its only been a week and i dont know how low my stupid iron has gotten anyway so ill wait it out a little longer i guess..not that i have time to do anything anyway. yvonne put my new bookshelf together for me yesterday because after the elliptical thingy im not allowed to put things together..had i really wanted to im pretty sure i could have but oh well no stress for me and she finished it last night after we got back from the movie..and of course dusti put herself on the bottom shelf and refused to move until yvonne hit the back of it..i needed a bookshelf though..somehow ive managed to get more books than i have space for and now i can start taking my books from mommys house before she moves because i want all of them...no idea where i would put them all but eventually ill have them all with me. the other night dusti actually managed to get almost completely out of the front door before i saw her and then i went and opened the door and yelled at her and got her back inside but i was really scared she would run the other way and i would never find her again..and im pretty sure she knew i was really not happy with her. so now i watch her a bit more closely when we have the door open..my fault for leaving it open a little bit in the first place waiting for yvonne but still really scary. ive finally got enough extra money to get her one of those climby things a really tall one just to give her something to do during the day and somewhere to play that wont break or anything. ive put off getting one long enough and ive had dusti for almost 2 years now so i know shes not going anywhere. ill prolly get it sometime this weekend. i went to the movies last night and saw click again and of course it was incredibly depressing in a it was a good movie way and ill buy it when it comes out on dvd. but lately i dont stop being sad and its really bad in the morning and at night when i dont want to get out of bed or when im so tired and want to be left alone. during the day im busy enough to get around it and keep working during the day but its still there. im trying hard not to be incredibly quiet at the hospital and its taking some time but im starting to talk more. im more comfortable with the kids and nurses and docs and everything. but its hard when half the time i just want to go home and sleep im so tired. i spend most of the day yawning regardless of how much sleep i get and most nights its really close to 8/9 hours. im pretty sure im sleeping since i ahvent had any bad dreams for a while and i dont think theres a way to be sleep and not sleep at all...maybe i dont relax or something or maybe i can just get a doctor to give me an order to take a nap during the day. im glad its friday and im glad ill ahve a break from getting up so early. mommy as usual is yelling at me about money..its great to know im liked when theres money invovlved. as long as i paid what bills i have on time i didnt think it mattered but it does and when i go home ill get in more trouble again..sucks to be me...hmm i woke up really early today..but time to get ready for work again