confused

i want someone to explain what the real definition of abuse is..i already know whats in books and what ive learned in class but that doesnt make it any easier to understand right now..i want to play stupid for a little while and have it all explained to me in the easiest way possible..someone should write a book about it..all the theories and definitions dont mean anything anymore..even if i want to play stupid i know how all of it works and i know all of it but i still dont seem to be getting it...i also want to know what the real difference is in being raped vs being molested..ok that one i really dont know and i dont know why i even what to know what the seperation is..but it just feels really important right now..i know what the situation is im thinking of right now and i dont know why im even thinking of it...but if the deciding factor is wheter they resisted or not then it would make the whole thing seem really stupid..if thats all the difference is though how in the world am i not supposed to blame myself..it kinda sucks because i dont know how to explain any of it..i try hard to remember and i cant..i want to know i think but then i completely deny all of it..ive looked at this for almost two hours now and still i cant figure out what i want to say or ask or figure out..