im watching strong medicine and its actually one i havent seen before but it brought up the issue of force feeding...the story line being this is an adult woman who has every right to choose not to eat or drink anything to make a statement..but the doctors just take her and put her in the hospital to force feed her..and ive never really conisdered the issue at all..so if it was me and i was choosing not to eat or drink for whatever reason would i allow any one to put me in the hospital..i just know i wouldnt let it go that easily and i would pull the ivs out..it makes me think that if someone is making me stay alive when i didnt want it then thats not fair..but then i guess if they went as far to put me in the hospital it would be safe to assume they could do other things to make me stop pulling the iv lines out..short of just flat out leaving me alone or strapping me down or putting me in jail...but i know enough to knnow that all of my wonderful little medical rights can be taken away awfully easy if its pretty clear im not doing the right thing...and anyway i think about it i dont see how its fair to me if i made the choice but no one would let me finish it...if i ever got to the point of giving myself a slow death then i dont think i would want help anymore...but how much would i fight for something that would kill me?
is suicide an ethical issue? i know you are bound by law as a doc to report it or tell someone if its a serious threat but i how ethical is it? i know you should take all suicide threats seriously becuase you never know but if a person tells someone like a doc or a teacher then they are looking for help and then the choice is taken out of there hands..but what about if they tell someone and they dont get help in time? would that suddenly become the fault of the doctor for not helping fast enough? hmm doctors do have to take the blame for a lot of stuff..and i wouldnt want that to happen because it doesnt seem fair..guess thats why i forever say no when im asked..doesnt really matter if i had a plan or not but i keep saying no more as a protection thing..i think ive only told one person flat out that i was suicidal and i dont remember how we got on it but because i was talking with her online she had limited options...she didnt threathen to call the cops on me or anything but she talked me into calling arran and leaving a message since all of my weirdness happens on weekends that im by myself..and since in all the times ive seen arran ive only called her twice i think through no fault ofo my own and i wasnt really planning anything i dont think...just not really completely safe left to my own devices..but i really wouldnt want her or anyone to blame themselves for something i did and knew what iw as doing but didnt tell anyone..so blame would just be mine..i think i think i should stop trying to think about so many different things at once...
my arms are really sore today..dont really know why..sometimes when i start really purging random muscles start really hurting..and its been a hassle because everytime i sit still and stop moving for a while and then reach for something or just move my arms makes me want to cry because it hurts to much..i try to ignore it and not complain and it helps that im here by myself..i have to keep telling myself that it doesnt matter..i ahve to keep reminding myself that its my fault it happened in the first place..i didnt do anything yesterday that owuld make my arms hurt so much..i dont know what could have caused it except purging..but i dont get it...i did eat this morning and this afternoon without purging..but i also have every intention of fixing and eating dinner but i dont know if ill talk myself out of purging afterwards..but anyway..ive been noticing lately that im forever walking around with my shoulders really tight..kinda hard to explain but i have to tell myself to relax my shoulders and i feel better but then i get nervous or anxious again and my shoulders refuse to relax without concious effort..i guess i never really noticed it before and i dont know how to get it to stop permanently..i spend a lot of time reminding myself to just relax because there is nothing to worry about most of the time..i think im just mixing everything up right now..
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