i forgot how much i didnt like long weekends when i didnt have anything to do..ive done nothing remotley entertaining except watch the second season of dark angel..and even that gets boring after a while and i have to stop watching it before my brain explodes...did a little cleaning every day and woke up early and got some laundry done..but after that ive just been hanging around wasting time...i keep tinking of things i have to do and just not caring enoguh to do them...so far ive taken a nap every day and still been sleep at night by 10ish..i dont need that much sleep at all but im still waking up really early...not having bad dreams or anything just not feeling like im sleeping as much as i am...right now im half watching cartoons and listening to music and writing here and a couple other places..obessing about not being able to finish the poem ive worked on for almost 2 years..i keep thinking i should finish it but i dont know what else to say..i should prolly let someone else read it and see if it makes any sense before i try to add anything else..its already really long as it is..so i dont know..just feeling like writing again kinda..otherwise im juts noticing im still really sad without knowing why..i wish it would just go away and leave me alone..finally noticed my birthday is really like three weeks away and im not looking forward to it for another year..im betting on whether mommy will forget again or not..if i go home between now and then i know ill see riley and harris and they know my birthday is coming cas i told them what i wanted..its easy with them..they like the movies i like for the most part and if they dont like it they sitll sit there and watch it with me..besides im not expecting anything from them since there mom paid for my ticket to see the lion king with them..but other than that i really dont know what i want for my birthday besides the usual movies and clothes...maybe ill get myself an ipod...i really want a few seasons of xena and the 1st season of strong medicine but i can getthose by myself and i know better than to ask mommy for them...she doesnt like that i can waste money on movies..its not like i waste it since i like the movies i buy but to her its wasting...but im an incredibly boring person so its not like i have a huge list of things i want...a ps2 comes to mind but riley and harris are trying hard to get me to take theres lol...funny listening to them bargin with me for it..ive gotten them down to like 5 bucks for theres but i wouldnt ever buy it from them but its fun playing along with them for the time being...they tried hard to get me to order the book i really want off of ebay and im trying hard not too because i want it in paperback and i canat find it in paper back yet ugh..so im trying to wait because if i buy it in hardback it will throw off the series..im a dork about odd things..if i start a series then all the books have to be the same..either all hardback or all paperbook or else it will bother me for forever...i think im gonna get some new paint and canvas's...yvonne has been using a lot of my paint and most of my colors are gone so ill just have to move them when i start using them again...i was talking to someone else about p[ainting this morning and funny i was the one who said that art cant suck because everyone sees it differently...especially when i say my paintings are horrible and should be burned like now but still i keep all of them..so i guess it doesnt matter as long as it keeps me busy when i need to stay busy...
found this today somewhere online and decided i liked it
-I am not a problem to be fixed, but a work in progress.
the one i remember most from camp is
- your silence will not protect you
saw that one on the back of a car after the first white water rafting trip...i still remember it..it just makes sense to me in the most off the wall way since i kinda stick really hard to not talking..oh well
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