ramblings of a sleepy head

hmm havent written today...funny because i kept thinking i had and then never got around to checking..i have a headache right now but i wont complain about it..ill just go to bed and see if ill forget anything ive done today...i did finally get around to cleaning the kitchen but i didnt do laundry..so ill ahve to do that tomorrow after i finish with classes and seeing my teacher but after that i shouldnt put off doing laundry anymore..its not funny how many clothes i have all overthe floor becausae im to tired or bored or lazy to hang them up..all the same ill do them tomorrow one way or another.. yvonne hasnt gotten back yet and im trying not to wrry..as much as i like having the house to myself i hate how responsible it makes me feel for making sure everything is cleaned up...i dont have the time during the week and yvonne doesnt do it ..and i know i dont have to clean up more than i want to but its just that im here all weekend and not doing anything so why shouldnt i clean up? one of my weird habits..kinda like i expect mommy to just drop by any day and i have to have everything put away or i will be in trouble..i actually figureed out that i slept in till almost 9 for two days! that is a really big deal actually considering most days im up by 7..so maybe my body will stop hating me so much..but then that means i cant b/p with breakfast if im taking the vitamins..they are gross enough going down and i dont want to have them coming back up..so no purging breakfast but everything else is fair game...and mi sure that once my headache is gone and im not feeling so sick ill see how stupid that all is..but for now it doesnt bother me in the slightest way..i just keep thinking how different things would be if someone really knew how much i b/p'ed..or that i did it period..someone fiinding out worries me a lot and not counting the day i purged with yvonne here i dont make a habit of doing it around anyone..i have such stupid thoughts sometimes about the most off the wall things..i still havent accepted anything i do..and for some reason i dont think ill get very far in anything until i do..i have issues and ignoring them just doesnt make them go away no matter how much i want them too..but i dont know how to accept anything i keep fighting so hard to ignore..if i accept themm then am i making them ok?