underneath it all

the meds calm me enough that i can think. it might not be real clea thinking or even coherant .but i think.i think that the suicidal feelings have been hiding from me..right ubnder the surface and i havent noticed. but tonight i can feel it. i want to die. i want to go away. i want a break. thats all. a break . it was hiding real good. but i found it. the thoughts n feelings. the sadness and darkness. the negative wants to consume me. take me away from everything  i just want quiet and nothing and everything. i donnt know