failure ....

i have failed.  and i dont know what to say beyond that... so many negative and purposely hurtful things that are in my head..and i refuse to say anything is wrong ..well except for sarah and nia...and nia is already mad at me i guess for taking meds for the purpose of going to sleep...i dont really remember a lot of last night...i know i cut..and then i just sorta zoned out i guess...i dont know..i just know that currentyl im not feeling well..and that i had sarah worried last night cas i didnt pick up the phone..and somehow i got it the last time she called..but i had missed all her previous calls...i think i told her what was going on .. i dont remember...im just stressed and worried and scared....very very scared...guess ill go and find out my news today...im tired of hanging on for no good reason...i do know i told sarah i wouldnt  push her away...and i wont...but i need to pull myself together so i can go out..im tired..and depressed and just ..i dont know right now...