i guess i am doing better today. i am feeling better..juts a little bit of the cramping today. .. it was worse this morning..and i really struggled with getting up this morning and moving..but i did go to my appointment...and talked some about what has been going on...we talked about my gyno appt yesterday and as much as i wanted to tell her i didnt want to talk about it..i did a little bit..because yes the appt was very hard..and overwhelming and hard..and im embarrassed that i started crying..got out of the office and seriously started ccrying and couldnt even explain why..i was upset. scared..hurting..i only perfer to have one person touch me.and so all the pushing and proding and what not between the ultrasound and the mirena thing just messed with my head completely.. and so today even though it was so hard i did make it to my appt this morning..and then i went over to sarahs for a bit...and that made me feel loads better..just to put things nicely..i really enjoy playing with sarahs wheelchair ... and being completely unladylike :) it makes my bones turn to jelly and thinking becomes an optional thing...very very optional...but it was a break from things you know..we watched a movie and just talked and i got plenty of hugs and just physical contact in..it helped with getting me more grounded..having her there and being able to just lay down and have her hug me..and listen to me..and make me feel better...i dont want to overwhelm her though :( ok not going to think about that ..i will ask sarah later on about that..but the weather started to get all stormy and what not and i needed to eat so home it was..and now im home and am feeling a little bit lonely..but ill see sarah tomorrow..after my interview..maybe ill be able to stay longer tomorrow because well yeah fun times happen in the evening..but anyhoo...ok breathe..my head is on overdrive and compeltely in the gutter..soo..
i guess im just saying that i am ok. the same stress and worries going on..but im doing what i can..applying and interviewing and waiting...i hate the waiting..but i am doing it...and so im just living day to day...thats all i can do right now...
but maybe i should just lay down and work on enjoying the day for what it is :)
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