my self esteem has taken a massive hit....work related completely...im feeling useless and hopeless and frustrated and angry and just plain pissed off..again i am the scape goat..the one treated differently..the one stuck and forced to play by the rules that i dont even know.. im angry that im not allowed to work..and that i cant get a clear answer on when i will be able to ...im tired of calling and emailing and texting and no one telling me anything...will i end up looking stupid when im asked why i havent seen clients and its like well..my supervisor told me that i wasnt allowed to see clients on either side for two weeks...not my fault i guess if no one else knew this information..because no one (well one person) came to my aide in regards to my paycheck that i got today at least...but other wise...no help has been provided...and the thing is i already know im passive aggressive.and so i get mad and then i get depressed and then i find some way to act out without obviously acting out....and ugh..i guess it will be back to the basics for now food wise..and only going out and driving when i absolutely have too..since i wont know i guess until tomorrow when ill even be able to expect a check...because iif its been three weeks without working at all..then i can pretty much expect that it will most likely be may before i get paid again...so cats will come first...then meds...food will be last ...and i will just manage ... just really frustrated right now...yes its my punishment i guess...and ill take it and deal with it...but right now it just sucks royally...and im still stuck...
my head hurts..so vvery much right now...i will go back to hiding from the world ...
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