bored...

today has been slow..didnt really do anything..watched a movie..started another book without finishing the two others ive half way through..didnt really clean anything up..got antsy and took a half a bubble bath and then a shower...im not a fan of baths and so the bubbles entertain me enough to keep me sitting still for a little while at least...now im fixing dinner and waiting until its time to go to bed..theres nothing coming on that im dying to watch tonight so ill have to pick out a movie and be happy with that..the little mermaid comes out again this week..and im really cant wait for that..i have it all planned and somehow on tuesday ill make it to a store so that i can buy it!! i still want to get barbie and the dancing princesses a lot...but for sure im getting the little mermaid since ive been waiting for it for like forever. still no car for me and im just getting ready to tell mommy to stop wasting her time and wait until i go home for fall break..but then she will swear im being ungrateful and selfish and ill get yelled at but still wont have a car...if i dont have it by the 9th then ill have to start figuring out a way to make it to my appt...dont really know who to ask since i have no idea where its at anyway..i have an idea of the area but i really have no idea ...its not like im trying to be right or anything but im tired of waiting around for nothing..not that i had any way of going anywhere but i do spend all my time waiting for something thats not going to happen it seems..still feeling sick but im hoping ill be ok with that soon too..i dont have my class tomorrow and that makes me feel better..i juts really have to go to the bank so i can change money around in accounts before i have to pay anything off my reg one..so ill prolly do that tomorrow afternoon..depending on what time i wake up..but since i get paranoid so easily i may have to go early i nthe morning..i want to go and pick up some canvas's..ive been really wanting to paint but i noticed a lot of my paint things are empty..just more money to spend i guess..but ill have to see what i can get tomorrow if i can.. this morning i woke up and read a message about how hard it is to deal with what causes cutting and such..and i ran through my usual who cares thoughts but after that i thought about how tired i was of all of it...maybe you just have to get to the point where you dont see how things can get any worse and you just have to start dealing with all of it no matter what happens...i dont know what happens and im not really sure ill be able to handle anything but im tired of all of it staying in my head..it drives me crazy..i dont know though..i keep wondering why it is i cant figure what i want to do when i graduate...im guessing it prolly has something to do with not being able to get around the past...as i was thinking about the benefits of staring at the wall while i was in the tub earlier i started thinking about why i always do whats expected of me and what im told to do..why doesnt anyone ask me what i want to do? why dont i ask myself? why dont i listen to the people who do ask me what i want to do? gotta love questions i cant answer