liar

i wanted viacodin..thats what i was looking for yesterday..i wasnt looking for or planning on taking the valium i happened to find...my head refuses to just give it up and leave it alone..im gonna drive myself crazy with all of it....i mentioned what i did on a message board that i happen to like and someone told me to get rid of the pill i still have..and when i read it something in me just completely rebels at that idea..i dont know why i want to keep it...i dont want to keep it or take it but i dont want to not have it either...kinda hard to say i might need it when it wasnt mine to begin with..i cant possibly need it i just want it..why cant i just throw the stupid pill away..thinking about doing that makes me want to cry..its stupid all of it..and ill end up doing something really stupid and killing myself..yesterday i was so tired but i was afraid to sleep a little while after taking the other pill..did anyway cas staying awake just wasnt working..but i didnt know what would happen and it would have sucked to just not wake up from one pill..and not even a strong one at that..it was 10mg and i really didnt think that was a lot of anything because the pill is so small anyway but maybe its stronger than i thought it was..and im just gonna go to bed before i start crying or something