it hurts

today is one of those days where i dont know what ive done anymore..everything hurts..im cold and hot at the same time..i want to sleep but im not sleepy...sitting still for to long and then moving just makes my brusied sides flare up in protest..i think its possible to brusie your ribs without meaning too..maybe its just my sides hurting from purging to much..i made myself eat cereal and a protein bar thingy and not throw it up..it helped with the sick feeling a bit..my arm is almost completely out of commision it hurts so much..its been forever since i actually cut my wrist..i did that last..after i cuta couple other places on my arm..not like i could give one arm a break and do both arms..nope all on one arm..and im trying hard not to move it at all...i really really want to hide for a while..i gave in an called my teacher about my presentation and actually left a message..it only took me the better part of a day to talk myself into calling her..now im juts waiting for her to call me back..if she doesnt then i might not be going to class tomorrow..im not up for it...feeling guilty for being a dork and doing everything wrong this weekend..i keep telling myself to get off my butt and clean up but i dont want to..the energy to care is missing today again...i feel dead or disconnected or maybe juts extremly detatched..im not exactly sure what to take because i dont know whats causing what...i did go home last night..i did get my car and come back this morning...i guess ill be driving myself to work this week..i have other stuff due thats pressing in on my head ..find something small to focus on and go from there..played a few games until my eyes started hurting and now im writing to try and take my mind off things..i keep looking at the razor i have yet to move off of my bed and back into its hiding place...i dont really want to use it but i dont want to not see it either..no idea when yvonne will be getting back either..ill have to find something to once again pull myself together..or i could just fall apart..but no one would notice