another day

it was really sad having one of my kids go home..good that he was well enough to leave but sad ill never get to play games with him or watch him in therapy or talk to him..ill miss seeing him and his mom a lot..i miss all of them when they go home...but it was a busy day in the world of the hospital...lots of walking abck and forth and playing and working..listened to a kid play the piano a little bit. and helped someone else with there work..had ppl compliment me on my outfit that i only wore cas i was sick of wearing pants that i casually pick up off the floor every morning..cas im to lazy to hang up my clothes..i try but im juts so tired when i get hom and want to do other stuff but i will clean up tomorrow and get my project done...

i keep trying to stay happy but its not working..i just keep ending up more sad than when i started off...im by myself again for another weekend..i keep being alone on the weekend and i just hate how much i want to ask yvonne to stay so i dont have to be alone but thats not fair..and i just watchh her leave and live her own life and i stay here and dont do anything..mommy says my car is fixed yet again but i cant get to it and i dont know if she can bring it up here..just mom money to spend that i suddenly dont have..went to the grocery store and spent to muhc money...binged on take out and purged :( i dont know what it is about the weekened that really just screws me over so much..but im purging again...i was really good this week and last weekend and now im purging again..stupid me..dont know why i suddenly feel like cutting..actually i dont know if ill make it through the weekend without doing it..i keep wanting to think about everything i have to do..my project is due on monday that ive barely started..i want to ask my teacher if i can put off presenting it because my head is all over the place and i cant focus...i dont want to think about everything thats going through my head..mostly cas i dont know what it is..just back to the nervous anxious feelings again..im pulling my shoulders in and its hard reminding myself to relax when i dont even know why im so nervous..i think ill go to bed really early today and get an early start on stuff tomorrow..maybe that will help..i hope