its happened

so its finally happened..im not dependent on anyone anymore ...i have a car now which completes all of it i guess..i really can go anywhere i want to without having to wait for anyone..i can go where i want to without worrying if its okay or not..i finally drove myself to work and home today..i took the scenic route home but i got home nonetheless..and im slowly getting more comfortable driving...im starting to pay more attention to what im doing..but if i really wanted to just get up and go somewhere i can..i never really thought i would be able to do that..i dont know how i managed to make myself believe i would never drive but i did..and now im driving and its not great but its not the end of the world either i guess..i also drove myself to the grocery store and i swear i would die if i ever had to stop going to the grocery store but anyway..i picked up a bunch of stuff for dusti cas i saw creepy crawlers on her yesterday...so i got her some drops and a new flea collar..my fault for not realizing it was time for a new one..but anyway she wasnt happy with me last night when i gave her a bath..but i needed to do it last night and not just cas i was bored or anything..and she didnt come near me for the rest of the night..shes ok again now though..she was her usual self this morning and getting all over my pillows and what not while i was waking up and stuff..i was actually searching for job openings this morning...its such a headache really..i read the descriptions and its hard constantly looking at the requirements and knowing i dont qaulify for it...its also hard talking about having a job for only like 6 months because i want to go back to talisman over the summer..its hard i guess explaining that not going back isnt an option and its not like i wont be getting paid to do it ..but i really want to go back..maybe i need to go back..i dont know but thats like the only thing im positive i want to do...i went and got my resume looked at yesterday and yea it needs some work but i was looking at the samples and its hard for me to sit there and come up with all this good positive stuff about myself to tell to someone else...i dont beleive it and im not sure ill be able to make someone else believe it either..but i have to try..i do know that..ive been trying to talk myself out of going to the job fair but i cant let myself back out of that one..i have to go..i have to start turning in ap plications..i realized today that i really have less than a month and week left at the hospital..thinking about it makes me want to cry alot...and its depressing really considering ive gotten so used to being there..now i dont want to leave...but im off to dinner with yvonne although im not sure ill eat anything since i just ate enough vanilla wafers to make myself sick..