is it posoible to just float away sometimes. every thing hurts an feels so very far away. eyes hurt, really tired, just want to sleep for a good while. sleping last night wasnt good. kept waking up but i dont know why. cant remember if i was dreaming or not. just a not completely there feeling. zoning out into my own little world where things justdont matter any more. maybe ill take a nap before i start geting ready to go home again. mommy called and said the car was fixed but i got to get home to get it. shes gonna come and get me and ill drive myself back tomorrow. i want to cry but i have nothing to cry about. as i watched myself throw up breakfast i thought about how long it would take to die doing all of this. panic set in and i got scared. sometimes i dont think i really want to die. im not sure i could convince myslf to go through with it. sometimes it does look like a good thing to do and sometimes it doesnt. i keep wanting to email my teacher and tell her i cant turn in my project on monday because im cracking up and cant handle anything else. it will be my fault for not doing it earlier and she will just be mad at me for wasting her time. my head hurts and i feel like im going to be sick again..the pain i deserve but its the rest of a whole bunch of emotions thats sitting right below the surface thats bothering me..guilt and shame just have to be there..if they had bodies i would swear they were just standing there staring at me..telling me to get a life or die and get it over with..even will the bunch of emotions that i c ant really tell apart.anger is missing. i dont remember when i figured out that but its been recently. i dont get mad. i cant get mad. its just gone. i think i tell yvonne stuff caas she does get mad for me. if shes mad then its not on me and i cant be in trouble for it. i just get real sad about all of it. i think ill go take a nap or something until my headache goes away because everything is seeming awfully slow right now. doesnt matter though..ill have to pull myself together before mommy gets here. the problem with that is cutting is the only thing that stops my head from floating