still tired

considering i woke up around 6 this morning im guessing its bedtime right about now...but i can see my floor again and my bed..only took me like 3 weeks to get around to picking all my junk up..surprising what i can find underneath a gazillion piles of clothes..id forgotten i actually had a whole bed..not cool keeping clothes on my bed well i had put them there so i would remember to hang them up like forever ago and that turned into pushing them against the wall since i never ever sleep on that side of the bed anyway..i sleep so far on the edge im surprised i dont fall out of the bed every single night..dont know why i prefer the edge to the wall but oh well..not up for analyzing anything right now..so cleaned the house today for the most part..just have to do the bathroom upstairs and vacumm my room and ill be done i think..so tomorrow i guess ill have to work on homework or something..but anyway..woke up at 6, went the grocerystore at 7 but i h ad a reason..i refused to wash all the dishes and didnt want to so i gave in and went and bought dishwasher stuff..and that turned into getting a few other things i didnt need..went and got breakfast..came home and threw up breakfast..cleaned off and on all day..cooked dinner..binged but didnt purge..finally found my floor and now im here..trying to decide if i want to go ahead and just call it a night..halloween weekend and im not doing anything..i dont have any plans and im not expecting to be invited anywhere..yvonne was supposed to be here but that changed and so shes in raliegh again..she was going to come back today but since she didnt she missed her halloween party and so im not expecting to see heragain until monday night..and much as i like the quiet of being alone im starting to feel lonely..im always by myself these days..when im not at work and when im not with yvonne im not doing anything..having a car hasnt really changed that not that im going to be running all over greenville just to stay busy..maybe ill go to a couple stores tomorrow just to give myself something to do...at least i didnt spend this weekend doing nothing completely..cleaning should be a full time job it takes so much time and energy..and because i lose interest so easily its like every other hour i remember i was cleaning and should prolly get back to it..hmm i was feeling fine earlier even with b/p but since yvonne didnt come back when she said she would im feeling useless..and i know it shouldnt matter so much since im old enough to do things by myself and everything but i dont like doing things by myself that include going out and stuff..stupid me..i keep wanting to say im alone but then i make myself remember the card yvonne gave me on friday that was really the nicest thing ive heard in forever..and i know she hasnt forgotten me and im just being selfish wanting her tp just be around more and its not fair to her im guessing..not that i tell her that..i tell her that im fine and not to worry about me even if i do spend most of my time in the apartment on the weekend..heres a bright idea..maybe if i got out more i wouldnt be so sad all the time..stupid idea cas you prolly have to want to go somewhere to actually go out..gas is to expensive to just drive around going no where...forgetting to take my vitamins again..you know i read somewhere that it takes like 4 to 6 months to build up iron if its low..and im like ok well ive barely got 2 steady months of taking the vitamins..tis gonna take forever to kick in i guess..and im sick of being so tired all the time..i dont drink coffee so its not like i have a sure fire way of getting caffeine in my system during the day..soda and chocolate dont work for me either..once im tired i just want to lay down until something gets my attention..if im busy its not so bad but if i have long periods of time doing nothing i get more tired and sleepy and much more easily distracted..its prolly not nice making excuses for behaviors either..maybe ill make more sense in the morning..but with time changing im not expecting much