sad

i went to the job fair today..i spoke without being terrified completely of the people..janet and cindy told me i looked really professional..and yvonne went out for breakfast with me..and janet told me my new resume was really good..i gave them to the people i talked too just incase and i got info and websites to go look around and fill out applications for..still the hardest part was just keeping my confidence up..my head was all over the place on my walk over there and i prolly looked completely crazy talking to myself..but it kinda kept me on track for what i had to do..but i did it and the world didnt end so it was ok..actually felt a bit better today and stayed at work all day..did zone out some but it turned out ok..its a lot of fun having cindy and janet there at the same time..

supernatural is now on and its gonna take me for ever to write this !

we went to look at wedding dresses..after i had my chocolate attack and demanded yvonne find me chocolate cake because thats what i really wanted and wouldnt just take no for an answer..and instead i got a cookie and coffee cake and was ok..but we went to look at wedding dresses...for 2 hours yvonne tried on more dresses and showed them to me and they were just so pretty..i told her shes gonna get married in a sleeveless dress because they are pretty on her..funny how fast her and allen got really reall serious and now they are talking about marriage..and im happy for them i am..and yvonne is positive im gonna be in her wedding and we have an agreement that i get a dress with sleeves in it..i was fine in the bridal store for about an hour before i started thinking that i will never be able to have a wedding dress or get married..its depressing because well not that i want to get married but i love the dresses..the ones i like anyway..i like looking at the designs and trying them on..but i cant try them on because i would never come out of the dressing room and the lady that was helping yvonne was glued to her when she was changing to help and things...i wouldnt want anyone in the dressing room with me..i couldnt have anyone in the dressing room with because i would freak big time..when yvonne just like really wanted me to try on a dress i got nervous..i didnt but for half a minute i wanted to tell her why i had such huge issues with wearing sleeveless stuff..and that moment passed and i was left with just a huge sad feeling..trying hard to come up with a way to get out of trying anything on..so of course i got really quiet and didnt say anything about any of the dresses in there..i ahd already looked at them..i had already picked out ones i liked and would have loved to try on...but i would never try them on..its not even guilt for this one..more like disappointment..sad..really really sad about things..for a while i wanted to cut.might as well finish messing up my arms and just not care..but thats gone..now i just want to go to bed ...

went to the grocery store before coming home ..spent to much money of course..i told yvonne to never ever let me go to the grocery store again..and she might remember she might not..guess it doesnt matter to much