i am trying to think and not panic...but i cant get the feelings of being panicked out of my head...every time i start to think about my current situation i start to panic and then i just feel out of control all over again..i dont know what to do right this minute and every day it is something else added to the list of things to deal with...impulsively i am just ready to stop trying and to give up...right now i want to be alone. i dont want to go to work..i dont want to do anything at all...the only reason i am going to work tonight is because i like the person i am working with..i dont want to be there though..i dont want to be anywhere...it would be nice to forget that i am even alive...but i dont have enough meds for thatt. so i am still stuck in my sad little life ... i told yvonne last night that my life is a burden..and i really meant itt...
im trying to think and plan for what i need to do..and fear and anziety get in the way each time...yvonne is coming tomorrow..and of course i have to work most of the time she will be here...she is leaving on saturday..and i need to remember to ask her about meeting sarah before she leaves on saturday...and money or no money i know that i need to get some food cooked on saturday..to have at the hotel...and part of me is slightly annoyed about it because yes if i cook and bring it back then ill have to share...and the issue is that tramaine just eats more than i do..and lately i am the one keeping food in the room..and maybe i am again just over reacting...i dont know..i just dont have the money to get having to buy food..and i know what i eat and how i eat ... but yeah..ill just do what i can i guess...and see what happens...
did some cleaning up today at the hotel...hopefully ill be able to finally get laundry done this weekend at some point ..and get my other stuff packed up and put in storage...maybe...or just packed up and moved out of the way...
ive talked to mommmy a lot this morning and my current issue with her is just a lot to deal with...and causing a lot of stress and what not....
and im just distracted a lot right now...im juts gonna go and read...
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