angry

im really angry right now...i woke up angry..and as the day begins im just feeling more and more angry and out of control...i want to be left alone today and im supposed to be going to see the thearpist and i cant even figure out if i want to get up and deal with it..im trying to remind myself that it is ok and that im just going to meet her..but i am feeling mean..and i want to lash out..and the more i feel like im not getting a response i guess..the more my thinking turns to lashing out against myself...some how in the past few minutes my thinking really did turn completely and i went from just being pissed off about everything..to being pissed up and wanting to cut...i want attention or something right now and im not getting it and i dont know how to ask for it and im just tired and cranky and i only got a few hours of sleep and tramaine once again left her key i guess..and so she bangs on the door at 7 in the morning...i didnt freaking go to sleep until almost 2 i guess...and now im awake..and angry that im awake... i feel like im being interrogated ... like tramaine asked where i was yesterday..and mommy asked where i was yesterday..and it makes me mad...where in the hell does everything think im at exactly?? what does everyone think i do??  if im not at work then im at the hotel and if im not there im at sarahs...three places...my world is very small these days...i dont do anything...now yesterday i was at work..i worked 16 hours...double my actual shift..because they were so incredibly short staffed yesterday...and i ended up staying...i regretted that decision almost instantly...i mean i couldnt be made to stay...and so i was asked and said i would...staff got hurt last night...quite a few in fact...im not really sure there will be any full time staff left soon...im really not...i wasnt hurt yesterday..i was just drained and threatened ... you know the usual... but im not scheduled again until wed..and so that is when they will be seeing me again...im not coming in any sooner than that...i dont want to.  i need a break...and im taking it. 

i really need to do laundry...ill prolly do that tomorrow...and kinda organize my stuff..im pretty upset ..well sad that i will be selling my laptop tomorrow...ill be cleaning it off today..after my appointment...but i need to get my meds..and other stuff...so yeah...ill manage...

having some stomach issues...lovely period started at work yesterday..i couldnt have been wearing lighter pants if i had tried..thankfully i had a pair of jeans in my car and was able to change...because yeah..embarrassed and not comfortable at all...

more stuff happened this weekend but im feeling tired ...maybe ill get up now so that i cant convince myself to miss my appointment.