i dont know

im struggling a bit today..and im still feeling angry...and tired...im feeling angry...im trying to feel angry but already it is becoming muted...i got my 3 head meds filled today. and took them...and its like im trying to fight the meds..im trying hard to fight them and i cant..i dont know..ive switched computers...sadly...im back on my old one and tomorrow morning im going to meet the lady at the grocery store in order to sell it...i feel like im losing a body part..and its hard..im having trouble thinking..like my thoughts are buried underneath mud and i cant pull them up...im trying..i did go and see the therapist today..and im not sure what i think about her..she was late..im told her that i wouldnt talk to her until i left comfortable with her...and im slightly scared that my need to manipulate things in therapy is going to get in the way...im ashamed to say that i am doing/testing her...i have to...if she isnt able to figure out what i am saying or how to get around my thinking..it wont work...i have to know what her boundaries are..and i have to know if i can get through them .. and if she isnt then i dont know...does that make me a bad person ??  i dont mean to manipulate ... i really dont...but im trying to be honest here...i just dont know...