today i think my fear is getting the best of me...im afraid of monday..im distracted and just want to sleep...i dont want to go to the doc and i have to..im afraid of getting bad news..im afraid that i cant handle anymore bad news..i know im freaking out and im trying not to but im just scared..and im starting to withdraw again..i just dont know what to say..i dont know how to say im scared..or why im scared..so many thoughts in my head and i dont know what to do with any of them...sadly i was biting the inside of my wrist earlier...i dont even know why..i think i was starting to feel floatly and needed to get myself grounded...i was afraid of going to sleep...bad dreams..and i was afraid that if i fell asleep that i would wake up alone..and so i keep fighting sleep..until i couldnt anymore..and now im fighting it again.except this time im fighting it alone..im not at sarahs anymore..im supposed to be able to deal with this and i still cant ... im still having major mood swings...and still angry a lot...and ive been good..ive been taking my meds..i went to therapy..and i go back on monday..which im thinking may not be the best idea...coming from the gyno and going to the therapist...im cursing that one as we speak..im just feeling frustrated and stuck tonight..and i just want to go back over to sarahs...
i dont think im able to write all that is on my mind right now....maybe tomorrow will be better.
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