i dont know

i feel out of it today..i cant tell if im depressed or suicidal..my thoughts go back and forth and wont settle down...im tired and angry and hurt and very very sad..and i dont know what to do about it...i had trouble sleeping..all i could think about was ways to make myself hurt..because i do deserve it..because i have messed up..because there is nothing left for me...im sorry i really just cant be what/who everyone needs me to be..