i saw the behavioral health lady today...and im expecting a phone call from my other doc at some point..once she is informed of my current state of mind and behaviors...i was expecting it so it isnt surprising..it just makes me sad... i feel bad that i was such as ass though this morning...i didnt have to be so  difficult..and i was..and at the time it was important for some reason..but i wasnt willing to be compliant or give in on anything..and so i refused everything she asked of me..and then refused to look at her ... and i told her i wasnt going to..and i even told her why a little bit...but i didnt look at her..no matter how much she asked me to...but i really was very difficult and i feel bad....i was angry when i left though..because she kept trying to get me to look at her and the more i refused the more she asked..and i wasnt going to give in..and i really truly didnt feel like i could look at her...



i am dead.  i am