trying to be realistic ...

i really am trying to be realistic right now..because if im honest..i know that my staying at a hotel will probably last about a month...i really dont want it to be longer than that..i know that in order to save and not be completely broke all month..i need to be able to work and save and live...its been two months without an income and im tired of having to depend on others to just make it through the week...right now i cant do anything..right now i dont even know how i will get money for gas to go to work next week...i really dont...im ssupposed to get paid on friday and well i work on friday and will be moving on friday it looks like and it just makes me a little bit ..ok a lot concerned and afraid ... i think about the whole situation and i just want to cry... how have i ended up here again??? how am i still not stable and dont have a home ??? yes i am feeling like a failure..and just want to sit and cry but i cant...i cant because everyone else is looking at me like i know what im doing ...and i cant cry or say im scared...im not able to...and then i have tramaine coming with me..and i almost feel like i need to watch over her..no she isnt a child..but she is younger than me..and its like ok ..i just feel the need to make sure she is safe and ok..i dont know...i just keep trying to protect everyone else..and so im not able to break down...im just not..and so i have to deal and manage somehow..and it just makes me tired and i go back to hiding how upset i am..i have to be strong ..i cant show weakness...i just cant ...