Monday, May 12, 2014

need to write...

my anxiety is all the way up right now..like im feeling completely jittery and nervous right now..im laying down but it still feels as if my body is moving..like im not still at all..and my thoughts are going back and forth..and i think it scares me a little bit..to feel so unsteady i guess...but im trying to deal with that..and trying hard not to go ahead and knock myself out sleepwise for the night...i want to just sleep so bad right now because i am thinking so much and feeling so nervous...i have all of one of the klonpin left..and i want to scream and cry about that by itsself...i already felt that my attention in the training today was awful..i kept looking out the window, i kept fidgeting, i couldnt sit still..i wanted to turn around in my chair and i couldnt get comfortable..and i felt like i was a mess..but at the same time i was asking and answering questions...at times...but i wanted to be there..its been a while since i have actually wanted to be at work...or even out of bed for that matter...but i wanted to be there..i had truly forgotten just how much i like the residental setting ... i like the stability of the instability ...

im sleepy...ill finish tomorrow

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