ugh

my night class didnt get cancelled and i was so ready to go to sleep that keeping my eyes open and half focused made my eyes water..i was thinking i needed to go to bed but im still up for now anyway..yvonne is planning my fake wedding and oddly enough mommy isnt invited..that wont last but for now its like no..but skipping that we watched this movie in class tonight called common threads and good grief it was a good movie but it was so depressing..i might have no need for this particular holiday but i dont want to be thinking about people dying either..it was a movie on hiv/aids in like the 80s when it first started getting noticed and it told 4 stories..all of whom got it different ways 3 men and 1 boy died but we got there stories and how life was back then, and how society viewed and what happened etc and it was hard sitting there listening and knowing there still isnt a cure for it..and the govt is stupid and could have possibly stopped this a long time ago but no that didnt happen and now now im just way out in left field wondering what the heck im thinking about...i just listened to over an hours worth of ppl talk about how there loved ones knew they were dying or preparing to die because there wasnt any hope for them and i just couldnt leave it at that..i completely started thinking about other stuff and its like ok im not dying as in major health program dying..i could be dying from doing stupid things but that will take a long time to unless i stopped being careful..but anyway now i have all this stuff about how i should just go away and save myself the trouble because im really not an important person at all and im slowly managing to depress myself again..iw as thhinking about cutting this afternoon because i was feeling crummy.and now i just want to sleep and not have to think about anything anymore but ill wake up tomorrow still thinking about the same stuff..