i wish

i wish i was somewhere else, i wish i was someone else..i wish i could fly away and not be here,i wish i was perfect, i want to disappear..funny i dont wish that but i guess i want it to much to lleave it at that..i tried my hardest not to wake up, but now i am and now i really do have to face the day or the part of it that contains mommy coming and being here...its like already survival mode kicked in and if i could stop breathing i would just to be sure i didnt get myself in trouble..yvonne will be there and nia to and im not sure if henry is coming but still if she wants to yell at me she will..i figured out a long time ago that having company persay doesnt save me...now im just laying here delaying getting out of bed because i dont want to, trying to figure out what i have to get finished and cleaned before mommy shows up and i have to find out what time shes coming period..suddenly i really am a bad person and it makes me want to cry..well not the bad person bit because i can say that part is actually true its that knowing mommy is coming part and knowing im not good enough that makes me want to cry..i just suck right now