long day

finally im starting to feel half way normal again...i might actually try to listen to what mommy said and not worry about it for now..sure it will only last for a few days but i need a break so ill take what i can get..today was well a heck of a long day..classes should just be banned and lets make the world a better place...still woke up feeling like i had been run over with something my back hurt so much..what ever i did i swear ill never ever ever do it again! but its getting better now so maybe its not so bad..policy was ok, practice bores me to tears..and i finally finally managed a 100 on my bio quiz and then of course i started swearing i put the wrong answer down and hmm maybe i failed but still i know i should have made a 100..rats now ill worry until thursday when i get my score back..anyhoo hlth was ok..depressing but not horribly so..i think it will take me the whole semester to get used to that class..and while im on the subject why havent i gone to get an hiv test? well besides the obvious i dont have a reason but still now i think it would make me feel better to be 100% sure. hmm got to finally catch an episode of supernatural and that was gret of course..my weekly scare and decent looking guys are always fun for an hour of my night..and thats pretty much how dull my day was..took my vitamin yay me..and im such a dork but still after almost 6 months of skipping them heck 2 weeks is an accomplishment.

randomly today i was thinking how much i want kids..like seriously..and once i realized where it was going i stopped the thoughts or tried to..but still its like weird everyone expects me to have kids first! do i look like a parent or something? is it written somewhere that i am destined to have kids?? and then i think of growing up and how i was so positive i wanted to have kids..twins actually..two little girls..one would be named nicole of course and the other i dont know yet but my first daughter just has to be nicole..other wise she really will be forgotten completely..i think she has been forgotten but i try to remember even if it is just what ive been told i still try eventhough it makes me so sad *deep breath*..hmm right now im really liking savannah or sierra as names for daughters..i think those are pretty names..i think of if ill see olivia over break or justin and julius..suddenly i miss all my kids i watched..the more i think about it though the more its like my drive for having kids really has nothing to do with the kid..yes babies are cute and soft and completely lovable without trying and for some reason smell so good all the time minus the diaper arena..but really its nothing to do with the actual kids..its for the relationship. having a baby is like having someone who needs you completely, they depend on you for safety, food, love, all of that stuff without attachments..so i realized that today..and then of course i got back around to my usual stuff as in heck no im not having kids..one im not doing what it takes to get kids and the actual having a baby part makes me hurt thanks to all the stupid hospital birth scenes on tv where the women scream bloody murder at everyone..funny yes but still painful and im not sure i could take a shot in the back..yet another ouch factor..and besides i would be a horrible parent..all that stuff about how you turn out to be just like your mom is something i just odnt happen to want and if it takes not having kids to make sure it doesnt then so be it..maybe henry or nia or wayne even will have kids before me and i can help them...henry and nia most likely..i told henry once that when he had kids i would just keep them for him to make sure they did things like eat ..henry will need all the help he can get when it comes to kids lol..hmm was it him or wayne who put the diaper on backwards?! not that i can speak heck i put shoes on the wrong foot..another good point my kids are so going barefoot until theres like 3 and then ill just put letters on the bottom of their shoes for them and save myself the trouble..hmm ok rant on kids over for now..its just creepy that sometimes i still want kids, huge responsibilty or not..but it wont be happening any time soon, any time in the near or far future either if i can help it...

hmm the weather is weird as anything..to hot but im cold, to cold but im hot..i swear rawl just induces hot flashes when you walk in the building that had the heat on so high..ugh..and as much as i hate being hot,,im possibly working at a camp..essh but that interview will be next week and i cant forget that..along with a bunch of other stuff i will have to get done..oh well ive rambled enough i guess and now im tired