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its gonna rain again sometime soon, its just got really dark in a short amount of time and it can rain all it wants but i really really hope it doesnt start thundering...or lightening or anything that makes noise more or less..but rain or not ill have to brave the weather and go to the pool when ever yvonne gets here...ive been trying to call mommy and she hasnt picked up the phone and i really dont like not knowing what is happening because just my luck ill end up being promised to go to ohio and everyone will just forget to mention it to me until its to late to even try to get out of it..but oh well for that one and ill just have to wait until i hear anything...its incredibly nerve wrecking waiting for grades even if i happen to know what they are going to be already..i think im expecting them to change or something..but the more i check and they arent up the more i worry for no reason..or i could just be delusional from not eating today..prolly not since i know that why im feeling sick and i have every intention of getting of and finding something to eat very soon..but im tired right now so i keep putting it off...got an email from taly this morning that pretty much told me i was still going to her graduation party stuff this weekend..i had planned on going and then i changed my mind but i guess i kinda knew she wouldnt let me miss it if i was going to be in town..and since im going to be in town ill be partying this weekend..two days with her and noe with kenny maybe..since i have no money things are a bit not much fun but ill get her a gift next semester or something..i think shes going to be staying in greenville but i dont know..and i know going out with them in an invitation to drink and i was perfectly ok with that until my convo today...i really wouldnt consider drinking to be a problem but i do let it go to the extreme before backing off a bit..more often than not taly says stop and i stop...no idea what makes me listen to her though..same way yvonne says dont play with the candles and i dont do it..i had almost forgotten about the last time i ended up drunk with yvonne in town..i got home before her and so somehow it got around to that i had been drinking and she wanted to know how much and at the time i really dont think i gave her an answer..all the same she made me drink water and eat bread and told me not to play with the candles and i was just demanding in a way..im pretty sure sprinkles dont go on toast and bubbles wont magically find there way into water..so yea weird night..all time stupidest thing ive done while drunk is forgetting my name..second stupidest would be letting some guy i didnt know kiss me..yea it was gross but still..being drunk can be a lot of fun but since i dont exactly know what it takes to get me drunk and because im obviously not big on internal control here i might let it get far more out of hand than it needs to be..i think im careful not counting willingly getting in a car when i know the person driving is drunk as heck...but i still end up doing the same thing..and one of these days i will catch on to the fact that not doing something often doesnt cancel out that you do it..i use that logic for a couple things and the outcome is still the same..either way i guess its not good...hmmm lots to think about and ill so think about it more indepth after this weekend..or else when im hungover enough to have nothing else to think about..but all the same ill stick to the usual rules that come with drinking and going out...most important being not going home with anyone i dont know..so busy times this weekend...but i guess i should consider that when i told yvonne what was planned for this weekend she asked if she needed to stay in town because otherwise she would worry..what exactly do people think ill end up doing? ok playing with the candles are a big neon sign nono..but when i thought it up i really wanted to do it..other big thing not to do is call home..which comes to mind everytime im drunk enough not to care..that that just wouldnt be good..ok drinking rant over

ive been thinking about my new homework assignment and i will a lot for the next couple days..and i know i dont like it but ill do it anyway because it got my attention..eventually i thought up the brillant idea to just not tell anyone if i die and that doesnt make sense but just not let it be found out that ive died or something..but then it would be just my luck that someone would look for me..i dont know what i would do if i knew i was going to die vs like it being accidential or something..id rather have an accidental death though..because otherwise it would be on purpose and id rather not think about that..and gotta go so ill finsih later