patterns are stupid

try, fail, try, fail, fail, fail, try, fail, forget to do either for a while, remember and then it starts all over again..so right now im somewhere near the end of a try enough to care part..but ill fail again really soon..maybe if i make myself expect it then it wont be as bad..all the same..not ready for anything..back and forth between the same stupid thoughts..all somehow pointing out how bad i am..