well now ive calmed down some..just my usual annoying sad self...worried about a million things..wondering what im doing to be doing the next couple weeks..sad i missed talking to yvonne because she was still out of town today..slightly jealous of nia and her concert last night..sick of being stuck here..so i guess just the usual stuff..worrying takes a lot of work..tali invited me to a party this weekend and i cant go..if i was still in greenville i would go but since im not i cant and that does suck a bit but oh well..there will be other parties to go to i guess...
funniest thing i heard today was
Raisins are just humiliated grapes..
and ive decided that my life wont be complete until i make grilled cheese sandwiches with an iron and make mashed potatoes by literally smashing them with a tennis racket! you can learn a ton of stuff watching movies lol and so ive decided i want to do those for now anyway..but not here..mommy would have my head if i even joked about using the iron to make lunch..prolly just surprise her i knew how to use the iron but still it got my interest up a little bit..i have a new movie i like, its called benny and joon and its one of those cute love stories but not completely mushy and gross just cute and funny and im glad i watched it because i ended up liking it and i learned some new things..like there really is an art to making grilled cheese and now ill obsess about it until i do it..maybe ill mention it to yvonne cas she would so do it with me and our irons are sucky enough to work! and if it doesnt we will just have one more mess to clean up in the kitchen...johnny depp was cuter when he was younger but orlando will always be my all time favorite actor to plan on marrying...too bad he doesnt know it yet and its 50 times better going to jail with yvonne for stalking him than it would be doing it by myself..and not that i would but its fun thinking about it and i guess ihave enough posters and what not of him to make up for not meeting him yet...hmmm now i feel like watching lotr.but i think i might need to watch more johnny depp movies..i like his characters..they make me laugh well his non serious characters..ill even make an effort to finish watching charlie and the chocolate factory this weekend..wonder if i can talk harris into going to the movies with me to see over the hedge..that would be fun..im watching charlie brown now..a bit random and i wasnt planning on even staying up and watching it..just kinda found it by accident and i dont really want to sleep..sleep is becoming a hassle..but im not a night person and im out by 2..meds are weird with me and so taking them just makes me sick the next day and im out of the ones that work to make me just sleep without dreaming..someone told me today that dreams are a mix of memories and things ive done that day..i can understand the memory part since i just remember things at stupid times and start freaking out..funny i remembered the other day when i was feeling alone after nia left that mommy told me once i couldnt go anywhere cas i had to clean up..sucks watching everyone leave and i cant go..maybe thats why i never ask to go anywhere..im always expecting a no or im expecting to be needed for something else..i really mean it when i say what i want doesnt matter...that just happens to be the way things are..i come in like last on the list of people who matter...yvonne says im the most underappreciated person she knows..maybe shes right or maybe i just deserve to be ignored..or maybe im just tired enough to be looking into all of way too much
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