dusti

im starting to think dusti is a narcissist cas she keeps climbing up the couch to look in the huge mirror on the wall lol..the first time she did it i think she just surprised herself and now she geas back and forth in the mirror whens shes not chasing herself all over the den...she managed to get in the big window and behind the tv and she found nias room and last night ended up in mommys room..which case she must not have heard mommy in there cas all of a sudden mommy starts calling me telling me she say dusti and dusti bolted into one of the back rooms...ill spend half of my day chasing dusti back upstairs but still im kinda glad she is getting more comfortable here...if nothing else she has tons of places to hide and if she doesnt want to be found she wont come out..but i know how to get her and make her come out but pulling my bed out does get annoying really fast...but because im the only one dusti will really willingingly come to i know she can be a demanding little rugrat...and if she wants attention she will find a way to get me to play with her even if it means sitting on me until i start petting her..and then its at the worse times when im busy and not paying attention to her that she wants to even be petted or else im sleep and she sleeps on my back...makes me think of pooh and sweetie..i still miss the two of them..pooh stuck around for a good while and i could make him come to me too from hanging out in the woods behind our house...still sucks mommy made me put the both of them outsside...so i guess its a good thing dusti still runs when she hears anyone until she knows its me...she sleeps on my bed and because mommy has so many freaking extra blankets up there for now dusti is in heaven..she has fifty million different things to sleep on when shes not sitting in my window..i try to leave it open so she can look out of it...i think she will be ok for the two or so months im gone...i worry because there wont be anyone to play with her or pet her or any of the stuff i do and given if anyone but me tried and i wasnt holding her they might lose a finger for there efforts..hmmm so dusti is keeping my head calm for now lol..sucks that soon ill have to get ready to head to greenville to pick some stuff up and go to the doc...dont want to and thinking about it makes me nervous but i hope it will be ok..henry will make me laugh on the drive up there at least...and its getting really close to time to leave for camp...and that will be i dont know yet but im thinking a lot of fun..i was talking about it the other night with nia and she was telling me what to expect..works out a bit easier knowing that nia went last summer and she lasted fine..so ill stick it out...anyway im rambling a bit and feeling slightly sickish..going to the doc still makes me feel incredibily sick..and knowing theres a huge chance ill have to get a undressed...i dont really care about if ill have to get a shot of something because i have no idea if im even still up to date on any of them...i know i had a tetanous shot thing like three years ago when i really messed up my arms and had to go get them looked at...other than that i really dont know...and the tb thing but thats lower arm so im not really worried about that one..i still dont know what to put on the forms about emotional stuff..i dont want to lie but i dont really want to say anything..so i think ill wait and see what the doc puts on the forms...i have to make a copy to but i dont see how writing that here will make me remember ...hmm im just putting off getting ready because i dont want to go..id rather not have someone poking me..do doctors even poke..i hope not but im just making myself a bit paranoid so ill stop that...nias taking antidepressants and a few others things for bipolar and adhd...ifs shes better i dont know cas i havent asked..i dont even think i was really at home the two times she was in the hospital..and i kinda knew she was doing therapy but thats about all..guess its kinda weird how alike we are but so different at the same time..we handle things differently but somehow we have both managed to become screwed up..but then i wouldnt call nia screwed up..i can call myself screwed up but then i call myself a lot of things and im not sure to many of them count as nice things..i wonder if im supposed to still be doing the compliment thing..i think my brain has been wiped out in the last couple weeks..feels like things are just falling apart around my head thses days...take a deep breath and push all of it away until later because if i keep thinking about it ill just keep going back to where i was like 2 days ago and that prolly wont be a great place to be..so everything is ok and im fine and im going to do what i have to do i guess