thinking

how do you gain confidence?? but thats the same i think as having self confidence/esteem/i dont know?? not that i have any of it on any given day but still...just started thinking about this a few days ago...its the end of the semester and so presentations and speaking in front of classes and since ill be doing my internship thingy next semester suddenly i will be spending most of my days talking and dealing with people..but i dont like talking to people not all the time but a lot of the time..kind of a ill talk when i ha ve to and thats it..but now that is really going to have to change..and with taht im guessing will come standing up for myself and self esteem kinda too..the problem being i dont really think i know the first thing about gaining confidence...maybe that will get me to talk more too i dont know...maybe i just have to get around to liking myself regardless of what im doing..and eventually maybe ill get around to stopping all the stuff i do that umm hurts me..which ive only lately even started to acknowledge...this is so turning into a year of changes you know...i guess things have to change eventually and its just like stopping and seriously looking around at everything going on with me and in the world..and one thing ive noticed is that a heck of a lot of ppl are dying..besides the point but every week some famous person has died or there is a natural disaster..hence im not liking the weather much..hurricanes and tornados and earthquakes and good grief im starting to think that global warming is getting kicked into high gear for some reason..ok umm forgetting what the point is again...not that i never noticed before its just now the news is kinda interesting..there is always something going on, something to look at or learn to not like..hence i really will leave my views on the president for another day cas that could take a while! but those thoughts aside there is tons going on that i just kinda ignored i guess..

hmm i was completely out of my mind or something and wore my shirt backwards for half of the day..i would have left it to if yvonne hadnt told me my shirt was on backwards before i releft the house! no idea where my head was this morning..especially after i so wondered why my shirt looked weird...finished one of my papers to turn in today and i have one more to work on due by 12 tonight..and another one i juts really need to work on so i can get it turned in...ugh..i was talking to shameeka in class today and she was telling me she hasnt been turning in work either and its like we wait till the last semester to start really not doing anything..maybe its just going around or something...but maybe its stopping now finally since ive started doing my work again..or trying to at least..that so has to count for something..skipping my night class to write my paper because well it has to be finished tonight..then home to clean and pack and just lots to do at home...

oh something ive learned this week..i dont have to not like something because someone else doesnt like it..until i got really excited over narnia coming out this week and yvonne and valerie just so not feeling the same way its like ok..i like it and you dont and who cares..valerie didnt like my movies either and i told her that i didnt buy them for her to like, i have them cas i like them..never thought i would say that but i get a bit tired of everyone inadvertently trying to get to say i dont like something or i dont want to do something because they feel that way..its not fair to me because you know contrary to popular belief there are a few things i actually like doing..sure they can be as boring as anything but i still like them..so maybe thats one of the things i kinda need to learn or at least work on it..