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i feel aimless again..slightly lost and just drifting along with nothing holding me..wondering if ill magically find the right decision to make and that everything will be laid out in front of me so perfectly..without effort or thought or anything..its just there waiting for me to find it..and its almost like i keep walking right by it and just cant see it or figure it out and i just keep missing whatever the opportunity may be..i do that with therapy to, stare at the window and just wait for the words that i want to say to magically appear and to make sense and to not feel so out of it..i guess..and i keep waiting and waiting and waiting and you know..you would think i would catch on to the fact that it doesnt work like that at all..it makes me feel hopeless .. all of it..i want it to be better but idont want to deal with bringing anything bad or hurtful up..but pushing it all away just makes me tired now..its like ive given up again..or im getting pretty close to giving up again..and thats not a good place to be..once you run out of the motivation to just keep yourself alive then what is left exactly?