therapy and figuring things out..sorta

so therapy was today. that's nothing new..this week has been pretty bad with all the confusion i guess in my head.. and we talked about it a bit more in therapy since i had emailed her..and im sure i lost all sense when i did that! good grief..i thought i was going to be sick waiting for therapy today because i was so nervous and just freaking out because i knew that she knew a bit of what was going on..so managed to talk about it some..and still managed to take forever ..but talked..and then she was talking to me about this scale thing for dissociation and asked if i would agree to do it..and i said it would be ok and the questioned just really made me stop and think..it was only 28 questions but i spent so much time thinking about them that it felt like so many more..and some were really hard to have to answer..where as the questions were in a more generalized sense but still i didnt realize how often i do some things..how forgetful i am..or how i dont remember places or people or things ive said or done, or how i can get so caught up in movies or books and just forget about everything else..and not remembering being a kid..and some of the questions made me a bit nervous..and some where just kinda funny..like being asked how often i talk to my self..i do that all the time and ..well i do it all the time when im alone..and i have to stop myself from being so noticeable with it when im like walking to my car or something..but i have entire conversations with myself..all the time..in the car, at home, at work, walking to my car, etc and so on..silly me thought that it wasnt a big deal or anything..and im guessing the connections are just being made now..but the whole seeming normal thing is quickly just kinda dwindling away..but just for as much as i talk to myself..you would think i had tons to say..i do say a lot, i never shut up when im rambling on to myself..but get me in a room with someone, practically anyone and i wont say a word..go figure .. we didnt finish the scale thing today..got it mostly finished but i skipped some and so have to go back and answer those and the last bit and then i guess she will tell me what the verdict is..wonder if ill be just like labeled crazy or un-helpable and then just pushed out the door or something..