with the conversation i had this morning with mommy my confidence has taken a blow..because according to her i have one foot in deaths door obviously for being overweight and no one will hire me because of it..yea..great conversation this morning ..but she has my best interest at heart..and i know if she had the chance she would just go back to telling me what i can and cant have and that will just lead back to all the major issues with eating and purging and all of that..worked really hard to stop the purging..and obviously provoking the thoughts again is not a good thing..her 'helping' stopped being in my best interest years ago.. because food, eating and the like has always been an all or nothing type thing..random healthy episodes mixed in with a lot of unhealthy stuff..good grief i know every freaking diet there is..have done it all and it always stops after a while..starting thinking again about purging this morning and so i know the thoughts are becoming slightly obsessive but also had to think and remember that me purging does nothing to get back at mommy at all..since i know that is what is causing the thoughts to get out of control..
it says a lot about the relationship to know that she has to corner me to tell me what she feels the need to tell me
just another lovely day in my head
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