i dont want to babysit today..im tired..disappointed..depressed..i always hate saying that im depressed but thats what it is i guess..i just want to get stuck in something else..a book, a movie, a game something..anything that will get my head away from where its at now..
therapy was well therapy and we talked about how easy it was on tuesday because of what we were talking about...and how today it wasnt easy anymore..and i was back to having no idea about what i wanted to say..back to losing my train of thought almost constantly because i was scared and cant focus when im scared..and then im just i dont know..i dont know how many more ways i can be told that im safe there and that its ok to talk to her and to just talk in general..i know this..i really really do..and i just cant seem to convince myself of that..ive done everything but talk to her..and good grief she has read my entire journal and still i dont talk to her..i think about it all the time and every time i manage to convince myself that its ok ..i just end up changing my mind again..and i dont get it at all.because theres something that just keeps getting in the way and i dont know what it is ..because its more than just being afraid..i stopped being afraid a few months ago..and the fear is there but its just different..and i dont know how to describe it at all
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